school bells.

college is starting up for many people, and that means quite a few of the folks i've gotten to know this summer are packing up and going back to school. it feels a little lonely here in this town, especially as my immediately local friends get busy themselves with work and school, but i have work of my own to accomplish. august was my month to talk to the contacts i already have; september is the month to make new contacts. i need to know if the art schools i'm looking at are the proper ones for me to be shooting for, and if so, what i ought to be doing in order to get in. i need to talk to artists.

i'm planning on getting in touch with illustrators the likes of  mark ryden, sabine pieper, and laura laine, just to name a few. i also want to write to a couple of small magazines i'm interested in working for in the future. the word Intimidating comes to mind a million times.

simultaneously, i'm dressing figures at the store and updating my lookbook, creating a portfolio of my styling efforts. my drawings are starting to increase. i have to make everything happen right now.

in the sky, geese are flying south in strands like mockeries of springtime kite strings, but unlike kites, the birds are actually going somewhere. particularly compared to where i was in the spring, i'm really starting to go somewhere, too.

stark.

yesterday's events were a bit of a blur. i went through the motions-- i woke up, went for a run, showered, took pictures, went to work, went to a bonfire, and had the privilege to speak with people i love-- but i felt like the real me was hovering somewhere above my body nearly the entire time.

i spent far too much of my night on my enormously messy bedroom floor listening to Dear Prudence by Siouxsie and the Banshees, Motorcycle Drive-By by Third Eye Blind, I Just Don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You by Colin Hay, and Helplessly Hoping by Crosby, Stills, and Nash. just some therapeutic tunes to lull my emotions back into my broken heart. it's a horrid thing to be so aware of the anniversary of losing someone i love. it terrifies me to know that there will soon be more death dates to remember, more sadnesses to have; i only have to learn to keep from letting those thoughts rule me. i have far too much fear for a healthy human being.

on a much brighter side of things, i absolutely love my new job at ragstock. the atmosphere is almost something out of the movie Empire Records, my coworkers and managers are wonderful, the music and clothes are fantastic, and i always have something to do. i am getting a bit ill from the abrupt schedule change, but i don't mind at all. bring on the tea and oversized sweaters.

speaking of which, i've been on the hunt for more of my fall and winter wardrobe, and i've come across some spectacular finds to share. more on that later.

in the meantime, i'm just transitioning into fall and putting my american apparel basics to use. i'm also starting to put some more effort into jewelry, which is a bit of a challenge since i firmly go by coco chanel's words to Always Take One Item Off Before You Leave The House. i want to keep things clean and simple, but, of course, interesting. if you like it, let me know here by hitting the hype button on my newest looks.

another morning walk.

in mid-august, seven o'clock walks really are the best way for me to be outdoors here. i chose to take this one at the closest nature center. it's been a part of my life for as long as i can remember, and it's beautiful every time and every season. i always see one of my two favorite animals-- deer-- but alas, neither my camera nor my physical reactions are swift enough to pick up a good shot before they bound away.

i'm mildly regretting taking this walk in a pair of jeffrey campbells, as they are suede and have to be regarded as such when i clean them off. they'll be good as new in no time, though; living with midwest weather has taught me a lot about how to fix water stains.

until next time, go to lookbook and hype me!

red.

i am very proud of the artwork on my body. my first tattoo holds heavy meaning for me; it's a symbol for my closest girl friend, who passed away in a car accident almost exactly three years ago.

on the day of hannah's death, i went for a long bike ride out in the country, and on my way home, i pedaled past a bright red cardinal that had been hit by a car. for all of its agility and awareness, i was shocked and horrified to see such a beautiful creature destroyed. a pit formed in my stomach. i felt drained not only from my trip, but also from what i had just taken in.

within a couple of hours, i received the phone call that, upon hanging up, had me huddled on my kitchen floor in a sickened ball of horrible emotions. it was like having a cannon ball blow straight through my middle. she was dead.

within months, despite unimaginable grief, i began the process of imagining how to use art to commemorate the closest soul to me. i finally chose to show her as a bird alighting on a hand. the cardinal was obvious. it had to have somewhere to come home. she had to have somewhere to come home. i wanted to show a hand accepting her in peace. and thus, my tattoo was made.

i will continue to add to my body art at times in my life, but this will always be the piece to show the calm landing of the girl who was always in motion. this is for hannah.