Wednesday, February 1, 2012

that's it, surprise.

i received a lot of requests about my diet and exercise and How I Do It after posting new pictures of myself online. this is an extremely complicated question to answer.

when i lost my best friend three and a half years ago, i felt a void. where did i feel it? in my stomach. i ate and ate and ate to try to fill the hole she left behind, but it was never good enough. if i pictured my stomach, it took up infinite space. i ended up gaining over thirty pounds.

to counteract what was going on, i tried exercising and then overexercising whilst undereating. i damaged my body. it took me several enormous panic attacks brought on by malnutrition to recognize that i had a problem.

in the past year, however, i've learned a lot more about how to keep myself healthy. i went from being a little bit overweight to being underweight to being approximately 120 pounds every day. i picked up hula hooping, an abs routine, running, and yoga. i still struggle with thoughts of disgust over myself and what results from that, but i'm learning to be happy with my body. there are so many factors in any eating disorder that can't be explained with a single blog post, but my main factors were feelings of Helplessness and Loneliness. things i can Do something about. and i'm doing something about it.

i hope this answers your questions. leave a message somewhere if it doesn't.

music: hide and seek -imogen heap


  1. its sick how people ask for diet tips and all of that shit. be careful and deny nothing. an eating disorder is NOT fun people. it's torture..

  2. i think people genuinely want to look a certain way; they just don't understand that some people don't necessarily use a healthy means to get there. i'm in a healthy range right now, but my vitals are harmed, and that's what some don't realize. the best thing to do is eat clean, find a way to be active that's enjoyable, and Love Your Body, no matter how it is. be healthy, love yourself, always.