Wednesday, November 9, 2011

too soon.

i would say it was the first hailstorm of the winter season today, but the solstice won't come until later in december. i suppose the midwest's just lucky that way-- i get to experience this weather at least seven months out of every year.

each day of those seven months is a massive struggle for me-- i'm always cold, always tired. hibernation feelings hit everyone, but some people receive the blow tenfold. i am one of those people. it's difficult to describe the tension that grows in my shoulders from hunching them to keep warm, something that can grow into a pain so deep that it fights my attempts to wake up and move. as many vitamins as my body takes in, it really needs lots of sunlight to keep going. it needs light and warmth to work up a will to do anything at all. i suppose that would be the eightieth reason or so why i don't quite belong here.

... i just start to miss the people who can't come back.

fortunately enough, i have tea and blankets and books and friends to cuddle, work and art and school projects to focus on. i feel like i constantly need to cry out that i'm still here. i'm still working, i'm still trying, i'm still here in the middle of this wintry mess.

i need to hang some lights around my room and put up a mistletoe or three. it's about time.

flannel, $15, forever21; cardigan, mom's, vintage; scarf, $3, ragstock; necklace, mom's, vintage; shorts, $2, ragstock; sweater tights, gift; wedges, $25, old navy.

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