a series of untouched shots and unrefined feelings:
i feel lost in translation between the world's language and mine.
lately, i have been depleted of energy and, although i have had more social time, i feel more stressed out. i am exhausted. i do not feel i have enough time to get school applications done to enter an art school by the next fall. i may have to enter at second semester if that's an open opportunity-- if not, i have to wait a full year, during which i will likely be working somewhere in california, as i can't spend much more time in my current town.
i have a to-do list posted next to my bedroom door, and out of the dozen things on it, i have completed one for the past two weeks. i am behind. i am behind.
i believe i have been trying to show that i am striving for greatness so much that i have overwhelmed myself. i have created several different characters, one of which is the hidden, scared, and overloaded girl, and the other of which is the adult who's pushing forward, unafraid and ready to take on everything that's thrown at her. i am a combination of those things, but i still have a lot of weaknesses to take on, and i am currently struggling. i think it's time to show that i'm still trying these wings out; i'm trying to take off, but i'm not quite there. i am so, so close-- i can feel it. it scares me, but i can feel that pull to get out, to move. besides, i am moving forwards, emotionally and mentally, even spiritually. i just haven't moved locations. yet.
a gradual midwest fall layering and a heavy story:
i'm not sure why i haven't written about this before.
about this time last year, i stumbled upon a website that struck me full-on. it described the democratic republic of congo and the horrors seen on warfronts there, but most importantly, it described the closer details of the relationship between a charity volunteer and five teenage boys rescued from war prisons.
it described how, after rounds of torture, young ones would be placed at the front of the soldiers and given nothing but a whistle. the objective would be for the children to make enough noise to scare off the enemy and, when that failed, to take the first round of bullets... with their bodies.
falling whistles was created as a non-profit symbol for peace in the face of the terrible happenings in congo. besides straight donations, necklaces may be purchased to wear over the heart.
anyone can help from anywhere by supporting the falling whistles campaign. anyone can find compassion.
"it is not down in any map. true places never are." -herman melville
just recently, i got over an illness that took almost two weeks out of my work schedule. it's now crippling to have such time taken away from a regular, near-daily routine with people passing in and out of my awareness. taking some time to draw and sleep was almost pleasant if i ignored the fact that i almost definitely had mononucleosis, but the feeling that i had upon walking back into the store was incomparable.
i love being alone at points, but i need to be social-- i have such a craving.
i love people. finally, i think i really love the general population. it has taken me at least one year.
oh, and-- creativity-wise, i've been invited to enter a photography contest. i'm not much of a photographer, exactly, but i'd like to give it a shot. i need a cow pasture. i can't stay cooped up thinking i can't create much of anything worthwhile, anyway. as the adicts say-- viva!
while many judge runway collections as a whole, i like to hone in on separates and admire each for their own qualities. it's like hussein chalayan said, "i don't really believe in labels-- i believe in ideas." i might find many pieces i like in a collection, or i might find one. or none. in any case, i started out trying to keep tabs of runway shots, and my computer screen became easily filled. i had to cut down just to manage my thoughts and inspirations.
this is a post for the eyes.
click to see larger images!
whether it's a long bra-top or a true bralette, a graphic and sporty piece or an elegant corset, these garments are some of the most daring. once i got used to the concept of wearing them in public, though, they transformed into the most comfortable cover-up.
these photos have one important aspect in common: all the bottoms, whether cheeky and short or graceful and long-hemmed, reach up over the stomach. as long as it doesn't revert into the trend of displaying every inchà la nineties music video backup dancer, midriff baring is always acceptable to me.
pattern and color
there are few things better in my mind than clashing-matching patterns and using rich colors. thakoon was an absolute feast for me, and although i didn't like christian siriano's shades at first, i've warmed to them. my heart is still attached to the maxi skirt, which probably helped that love for the electric mustard piece i spotted on siriano's catwalk.
texture is probably my favorite part of the upcoming season. with the amount of black i like to wear, it can be difficult to configure outfits with prints the likes of missoni and miu miu. i end up with a lot of vintage leathers and suedes, jeans, cottons, laces, wools-- all in black. it's hard for me to think that it's taken me until now to really consider mixing textures of one color family. i also have a lot of pastels, so when i get hit with that good spring feeling, i can lighten things up in light silk, lace, sequins, and suede.
i can't look at collections without paying attention to the billowing gowns. sheers grabbed my eye at amanda wakeley, and though i'm not usually a fan of cake-like works, oscar de la renta surprised me with a tasteful dress of rather large proportions. i loved the recurrence of fishtail hems such as those at antonio berardi-- that's one nineties reference i've found very pleasant and versatile. the berardi gown pictured above was very reminiscent for me of the alexander mcqueen 2008 peacock dress, another brilliant piece. lastly, more colors! jenny packham and zach posen had such saturated tones, and the latter had a dress shaped like a dream. i'm consistently blown away by the craftsmanship of these pieces. perfect work.
despite my innate ability to wear nothing but black, i've incorporated lots of new concepts into my wardrobe over the past few years. due to my particularly low comfort levels, i actually had to begin with skirts and work up to concepts such as color and pattern. now that the spring fashion season has opened up, i have a whole new chance to play.