Saturday, June 18, 2011


my great grandfather came from germany. when he embarked on a ship headed to america, he had no money to his name. he made some friends on the ship, and they showed him how to play cards. beginning with either courageousness or hardheadedness, or maybe both, he began to bet with only the clothes on his back.
... by the time he got to new york, he had enough money to go to california.

i've been in the midwest in the same gray house my entire life, and i have such a severe case of wanderlust that it nearly crushes my brain. it absolutely crushes my social abilities, although i'm working on that one. i should be able to look at schools in the san francisco and santa cruz areas by september at the latest, and the prospect of that is enough to bring me to tears; i've spent far too much time idly drawing and wondering where i belong.
one of the biggest sources of happiness, at least for many people, comes from the sense of having a home. i am entirely uprooted from this town, this state, yet until a couple of months ago, i felt as though i had nowhere else to go. no future stood in front of me. at the same time, i have a clenching feeling in the pit of my stomach when i think of leaving all that is familiar. i still call this place home. in the end, however, i know i have to get out. i don't belong here. right now, i think i belong in california.
simultaneously, i have hesitancy and a lack of restraint, overcautiousness and a need for freedom.
the fear and the wanderlust.

the fear and the wanderlust.

1 comment:

  1. is the skirt you are wearing here from anthropologie??? love it!