just a realization.

i started out this week hearing that one of my brother's friends from college passed away. it might have shaken me knowing that any other person he'd known had died, but this particular friend was so kind to me-- the little sister-- and he was so full of joy that his passing really took me out of myself. i'm feeling excited about many things in the future, but at the same time, i'm feeling such grief that's backed up by my still-unresolved grief of losing my best friend to a car accident.

to distract myself, i've been looking up live music for the spring and summer, and i'm going to work tomorrow and a death cab for cutie concert on sunday. i'm also looking at summerfest in milwaukee and lollapalooza in, of course, chicago.

oddly, in mourning, i'm wearing pastel colors, painting my nails lilac and wearing easter-colored chiffons, maybe to counteract my feelings at the moment.

anyway, other things in my life are going pretty well-- i'm getting bored and chilled from outside, but i can change that. i'm trying to break myself from caffeine a little bit because i keep going through the cycle of being hyped up and then crashing, and i'm also trying to rely on myself just as a person a little bit more. dependency can be a terrible thing.

just a realization.

until next time,

music: light up my room -barenaked ladies